懂得放弃 生活更美好

　　A few years ago I was like some of you reading this overextended, overworked, and deeply unhappy about it.

　　几年前，我就像正在阅读本文的一些读者一样，身体透支、工作劳累，心中郁闷至极。

　　I was a young psychology professor desperately seeking tenure, with two toddlers at home and a husband whose work kept him away for days at a time. I exercised once a week on a good week, rarely saw my friends or extended family, and couldn't remember the last time I'd read a book that wasn't about statistics. It was just too much. Something had to give. And it did. I left my job, not knowing exactly what I was going to do next. It was the toughest decision I've ever made, but it was also one of the best.

　　当时，我是一名渴求终身教职的年轻心理学教授，家里有两个在学步期的孩子，丈夫常常需要出差，而且一走就是好几天。运气好的时候我每周能锻炼一次，很少有机会跟朋友或其他家人碰面，甚至已经不记得上一次阅读跟统计无关的书籍是什么时候了。我已经不堪重负，必须要有所放弃。而我也确实这样做了。我辞掉了工作，茫然不知下一步要做什么。这是我做过的最艰难的一个决定，但也是最好的决定之一。

　　As a psychologist who studies motivation, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why people give up too soon when trying to reach a goal. But the truth is, a lot of us suffer from the opposite problem: not knowing when, or how, to quit. We take on too many projects and commitments, and end up turning in 10 mediocre jobs instead of one or two stellar performances.

　　Getty Images哪些目标应该坚持而哪些又该放弃呢?作为研究动机理论的心理学家，我花了很多时间试图弄明白为什么有些人在朝一个目标努力的过程中会那么容易轻言放弃。但事实上，我们当中很多人都会困惑于一个相反的问题：不确定应该何时或者如何放弃。我们担负了太多的事项和承诺，最终完成的是一大堆庸庸碌碌的工作，而没能做出让人眼前一亮的成就。

　　To be sure, quitting a job may not be an option for many, but most of us surround ourselves with plenty of unofficial projects that may not be worth pursuing.

　　当然，辞职对很多人来说或许并不合适，但我们中的大多数人都常常会不自觉地担负很多也许并不值得去做的闲杂事项。

　　So, why is it so hard to throw in the towel, even when on some level you know you should? For one thing, it's embarrassing to admit to others that you've bitten off more than you can chew, or that you've made an error of judgment. No one likes to be thought of as a 'quitter.' For another, quitting means contemplating the sunk costs -- all the time and energy that you've already put into reaching your goal that you can never get back.

　　那么，为什么人们很难主动放弃或者认输，哪怕自己心里已经感到力有不逮?首先，要向别人坦承自己力不从心或判断失误是很没面子的事情。没有人愿意被扣上“半途而废”的帽子。其次，放弃意味着只能接受已经发生的沉没成本──也就是你为了实现目标已经付出、无法收回的所有时间和精力。

　　Of course, once you realize that you probably won't succeed, or that success isn't worth the unhappiness your project is causing you, it shouldn't matter what the sunk costs are. If your job, your advanced degree, or your unfinished novel has taken up some of the best years of your life, it doesn't make sense to give them even more years. That will only make you miserable.

　　当然，一旦你意识到自己可能不会成功，或者这份成功抵不过你所经受的不快，那么多少沉没成本都无所谓了。即便你的工作、你的高等学位或者你未写完的小说已经消耗了你生命当中最美好的一些年华，也没有理由再让它们继续消耗下去，否则你只会痛苦不堪。

　　But that doesn't make walking away any easier. So here's a simple game plan for cutting your losses.

　　但了解这些并不意味着就能很容易做出放弃的决定。下面提供了一个简单的行动方案，也许有助你理性“止损”。

　　At the outset:

　　迈出第一步：

　　Figure out which goal has to go. It might be obvious, but most of the time it won't be, so you'll need to really give some serious thought to your priorities. What matters most to you? And, just as important, what makes you feel effective and fulfilled? Anything that doesn't, might need to get the boot.

　 确定哪个才是必须实现的目标。有时候答案也许很明显，但大多数时候并非如此，因此你需要仔细斟酌自己的优先事项。到底什么对你才是最重要的?还有，什么能让你动力十足、有满足感?任何答案为否的事项或许都应该被踢出局。

　　 Be confident. You'll want to know that you are giving up your goal for the right reasons, so ask yourself these two questions:

　　 保持自信。你一定希望确保自己的放弃理由充足，那就思忖一下这两个问题：

　　(a)What do I need to reach this goal, and can I get what I need? Look at the whole picture. If successfully reaching this goal means more time and effort than you can spare without sacrificing other important goals, you may need to walk away. (Maybe you can't work 50 hours a week, spend time with your kids, and write that screenplay, and that's OK.)

　　(a) 要达成这个目标我需要些什么，能不能得到所需要的东西?不妨跳出来想想大局。如果成功达成这个目标所需要的时间和精力会迫使你牺牲其它一些更重要的目标，那么也许你就该适时收手。(也许你无法一周既要工作50个小时，又要花时间陪孩子，又要写剧本，那就是时候了。)

　　(b)Will reaching this goal cost me too much? Will it make me unhappy? Sometimes the problem isn't limited time and energy, it's that you really don't like what you're doing as much as you thought you would. You find the process of reaching the goal boring, frustrating, or unrewarding. Circumstances change, and it's OK for your goals to change too.

　　(b) 要达成这个目标代价会不会太高?会令我感到不快吗?有时候问题并不在于时间或者精力，而是你并不像自己原来以为的那样喜欢现在所做的事情。你发现实现目标的过程乏味不堪、令人沮丧甚至根本不值得。形势变了，目标也应该作出改变。

　　Once you've made up your mind that quitting is right move:

　　决定舍弃后：

　　Sto