英语经典笑话
导语：笑话是指以一句短语或一个小故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑，或是产生幽默感，另外一个行动（动作）型的笑话是以动作影响人的视觉及观感，而感到好笑。以下是小编整理的英语笑话，希望你不开心时看了会笑。
经典英语小笑话1：Five Months Older大五个月
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。
可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。
“你多大了?”军医问。
“十八，长官。”约翰说。
“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”
约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”
经典英语小笑话2：Give up your seat to a lady给女士让座
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，他叫我让座给一位女士。”
妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”
“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”
经典英语小笑话3：jump up and down
Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的?
汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇动瓶子了
经典英语小笑话4：Put your feet in把脚放进去
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽!”老师严厉地叫她。“什么事，老师?”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”
经典英语小笑话5：他的耳朵在我衣兜里
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
经典英语小笑话6：愚蠢的问题Stupid Question
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.
But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”
丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?”
几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。
“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。
可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”
经典英语小笑话7： Intelligent son 聪明的儿子
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”
“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”
“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”
经典英语小笑话8：我希望您的面包病好了
I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命，差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."
我在做面包，需要把面团放在一个暖和点的地方使它发起来。我把面盆放在电热褥里，后来就出去干别的活去了。等我回家时，发现儿子留下一张纸条，上面写着：“亲爱的妈妈，我希望您的面包已经病好了。”
经典英语小笑话9：A Present 凯特的礼物
Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.
凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?
妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀?
凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。
妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。
凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。
经典英语小笑话10：Two Birds 两只鸟
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
经典英语小笑话11：这有多娇生惯养啊
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?
Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?
哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。
经典爆笑英语小故事阅读
篇二:英语口语小笑话
在繁忙的生活中，也要偶尔放松自己的心情。下面小编为大家带来经典爆笑英语小故事四则，欢迎大家阅读!
经典爆笑英语小故事12：余音
About to be shipped out on a long tour of duty over-seas，I had called my wife from a coin-operated telephone at an Army camp on the West Coast. As I walked away，the phone rang，and I answered it，expecting to be told of extra charges. "I thought you'd like to know,"the operator said,"that just after you hung up，the woman said,'I love you. "
即将因工作远征出海，我就在西海岸军营地用一个投币电话给我的妻子拨了个电话。我刚要离开
经典爆笑英语小故事13：尽管读
When we work evenings .we often order take-out food at the office.One night we all gave our orders to Sharon, who wrote the selections on a self-stick note. Unable to find our list when she arrived at the fastfood restaurant, Sharon stepped up to the counter. But before she could speak, the cashier recited the exact order. " How could you possibly know that?"asked Sharon.
在我晚上上夜班的办公室，大家常常订些外卖食品来吃。一天夜里，我们都找沙伦订了食品。她把订单列在一张不干胶的纸条上。等她到了饭店时，怎么也找不到那张订单了。沙伦走到柜台前，还没等她说话，收银员就背出了所有大家订的东西。沙伦问:“你怎么会知道这些的呢?”
"Tt's right there," replied the cashier,"stuck to your chest."
“它就在这儿，”收银页说:“贴在了你的胸前。”
经典爆笑英语小故事14：拍卖
When we decided to sell our house, we nailed "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long，the doorbell rang.”How much are you asking for the treesp"a young man asked.
我们决定卖掉我们的房子。于是，我们就在院前的大树上钉了两块牌子，上面写着:“拍卖。”没过多久，我们的门铃就响了。一位年轻人问:“你们的树想卖多少钱?”
经典爆笑英语小故事15：解决难题
ome friends and I stopped at an ice-cream parlor.where I asked for my favorite，a hot-fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream. But when the waitress brought our orders，I saw that mine had vanilla ice cream. " I ordered chocolate,"I pointed out.
我和一位朋友来到一家冰淇琳店。我要了一个我最喜欢吃的巧克力奶油圣代。当女招待送来我的冰淇淋时，我发现我的冰淇沐是香草的。我说:“我要的是巧克力的。”
The young woman consulted her order pad and responded，"So you did. I'll take it back and get chocolate."
那位年轻的女士查了一下订单回答说:“你确实要的是巧克力的。我把它拿回去，再给你拿一个巧克力的。”
“Never mind，”I said.”I don't like to see anything wasted."
“没关系，”我说:“我不想浪费东西。”
"Nothing is wasted around here!"she insisted.“We eat our mistakes. "
“这儿什么也浪费不了，”女招待坚持说:“我们吃掉自己的错误。”
1.英语经典笑话：Dream
2.英语经典笑话：A Problem in Arithmetic
3.经典笑话
4.交通的经典笑话
5.男女经典笑话
6.简单经典笑话
7.古代经典笑话
8.开车的经典笑话
9.动物经典笑话
10.好笑的经典笑话
