英语幽默小故事10则(精简3篇)

英语幽默小故事10则 篇一

1. The Smart Parrot

One day, a man bought a parrot and brought it home. The man was amazed when he heard the parrot speaking perfect English. However, he soon realized that the parrot only knew how to swear. The man tried to teach the parrot some polite words, but it refused to learn. Finally, the man got fed up and yelled at the parrot. The parrot looked at him calmly and said, "Well, at least I'm not a potty mouth like you!"

2. The Forgetful Husband

A wife asked her husband to go to the store and buy a carton of milk. The husband agreed and left the house. However, he came back empty-handed. When the wife asked why he didn't buy the milk, the husband replied, "I forgot." The wife got frustrated and said, "How could you forget such a simple task?" The husband smiled and said, "Well, I remembered to forget, doesn't that count for something?"

3. The Talking Dog

A man walked into a bar with his dog and the bartender noticed that the dog could talk. The bartender was so shocked that he asked the dog, "Can you really talk?" The dog replied, "Yes, I can talk. And not only that, I can also play the piano." The bartender couldn't believe his ears and asked the dog to prove it. The dog jumped on the piano and started playing beautifully. The bartender was amazed and asked the man, "Why is such a talented dog in a bar?" The man replied, "I'm just here to show him off. He's actually a terrible poker player."

4. The Clever Thief

One night, a thief broke into a house and started stealing valuables. Suddenly, he heard a voice saying, "Jesus is watching you." The thief got scared and froze in place. He looked around but didn't see anyone. He continued stealing, but again he heard the voice saying, "Jesus is watching you." This time, the thief turned on the lights and saw a parrot in a cage. He laughed and said, "Oh, it's just a parrot." The parrot replied, "Yes, but I'm Peter the parrot. And I'm warning you, Jesus is watching you, and so am I."

5. The Confused Tourist

A tourist was visiting a small town and asked a local for directions to the nearest hotel. The local replied, "Just keep walking straight and you'll see a big sign that says 'Hotel California'." The tourist thanked the local and started walking. However, after walking for hours, he couldn't find the hotel. Frustrated, he went back to the local and said, "I couldn't find the hotel you mentioned." The local laughed and said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

6. The Magic Mirror

A man bought a magic mirror that could grant any wish. Excited, he made a wish to become the richest man in the world. Suddenly, the mirror started glowing and the man found himself surrounded by piles of gold and diamonds. He was overjoyed and started swimming in his newfound wealth. However, after a while, he started feeling thirsty and hungry. He looked around but couldn't find any food or water. Panicking, he looked into the mirror and said, "I wish for food and water." The mirror replied, "Sorry, I only grant wishes, not necessities."

7. The Clever Farmer

A farmer had a talking horse that he wanted to sell. He placed an ad in the newspaper saying, "Talking horse for sale, $100." The next day, a man came to the farm and asked to see the horse. The farmer showed him the horse and the man said, "I'll take him for $100." The farmer was surprised and asked, "Are you sure? He can only say 'yes' and 'no'." The man replied, "That's fine, I have a lot of friends who are lawyers. They can talk for him."

8. The Wise Owl

One night, a wise owl was sitting on a tree branch, watching a squirrel gathering nuts. The squirrel noticed the owl and asked, "Why are you always so serious and wise?" The owl replied, "Because I've seen a lot in my life and learned from my mistakes." The squirrel laughed and said, "Well, I live in the moment and enjoy life to the fullest. Who do you think is happier?" The owl thought for a moment and said, "You're right. I may be wise, but you're definitely nuts."

9. The Lost Tourist

A lost tourist asked a police officer for directions to the nearest train station. The police officer replied, "Just go straight, turn left, then right, and you'll see the station on your left." The tourist thanked the officer and started walking. However, after following the directions, he found himself back at the same spot where he started. Frustrated, he went back to the police officer and said, "I think I'm lost. Can you give me simpler directions?" The police officer laughed and said, "Sure, just follow the crowd of confused tourists. They always lead to the train station."

10. The Clever Monkey

A monkey was sitting on a tree branch, eating bananas and watching a lion sleeping below. The monkey decided to play a prank on the lion and started dropping banana peels on him. The lion woke up, slipped on the peels, and fell down. Furious, the lion roared, "Who did this to me?" The monkey replied, "It wasn't me, it was the wind." The lion didn't believe him and said, "The wind doesn't eat bananas." The monkey smiled and said, "Well, neither does the lion, apparently."

英语幽

英语幽默小故事10则 篇三

　　不同于中国人，在大洋彼岸的那些国家，有着与中国完全不相同的幽默方式。这些幽默往往有趣而简单。下面是中国人才网提供的英语幽默小故事，供参考借鉴!

　　篇1：Wood Fire森林之火

　　One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. “Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened.”

　　“Does that mean,” asked the other, “that they make ashes of themselves?”

　　一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”

　　“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”

　　篇2：Best Reward最好的奖赏

　　A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.

　　“The best way, sir,” said the deck hand, “is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in.”

　　一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。

　　“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”

　　篇3：Present for Girlfriend送给女友的礼物

　　At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. “Shall I engrave her name on it?” the jeweler asked.

　　The customer thought for a moment, and then said, “No-engrave it 'To my one and only love‘。 That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again.”

　　在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。

　　那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不——在上面刻’给我唯一的爱‘。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”

　　篇4：West Point西点军校

　　My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, “to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point.”

　　One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, “We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point.”

　　父亲：哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会

　　一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”

　　篇5：Be Careful What You Wish For慎重许愿

　　A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

　　During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

　　The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

　　Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.”

　　The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

　　一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。

　　庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。

　　妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。

　　接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”

　　仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”他变成了90岁。

　　篇6：Midway Tactics中间战术

　　Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

　　The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, “Gigantic Sale!” and “Super Bargains!”

　　The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, “Prices Slashed!” and “Fantastic Discounts!”

　　The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, “ENTRANCE”。

　　三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。

　　右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

　　左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

　　中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。

　　篇7：Napoleon Was Ill拿破仑病了

　　Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

　　“He's a good boy,” said Jack's father, “and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.”

　　“No, no, that's quite impossible,” replied the professor immediately. “Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!”

　　“Please, sir, give him another chance,” said Jack's father. “You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill.”

　　杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。

　　“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”

　　“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”

　　“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”

　　篇8：Very Pleased to Meet You很高兴认识你

　　During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

　　One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, “I'm going abroad tomorrow, but I'd be very happy if we could write to each other.” Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

　　Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

　　Joan went there and said to the matron, “I've come to visit Captain Humphreys.”

　　“Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here,” the matron said.

　　“Oh, that's all right,” answered Joan. “I'm his sister.”

　　“I'm very pleased to meet you,” the matron said, “I'm his mother!”

　　在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼·飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。

　　一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。

　　后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。

　　琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”

　　“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。

　　“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”

　　“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”

　　篇9：Two Soldiers两个士兵

　　Two soldiers were in camp. The first one's name was George, and the second one's name was Bill. George said, “have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?”

　　Bill said, “Yes, I have,” and he gave them to him.

　　Then George said, “Now I haven't got a pen.” Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, “have you got a stamp, Bill?” Bill gave him one.

　　Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, “Are you going out?”

　　Bill Said, “Yes, I am,” and he opened the door.

　　George said, “Please put my letter in the box in the office, and…” He stopped.

　　“What do you want now?” Bill said to him.

　　George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, “What's your girl-friend's address?”

　　军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸：信封吗?”

　　比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。

　　乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。

　　这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”

　　比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。

　　乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有……”他停住了。

　　“你还要什么?”比尔问。

　　乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是?”

　　篇10：Five Months Older大五个月

　　The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

　　But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.

　　“How old are you?” he said.

　　“Eighteen, sir,” said John.

　　“But your brother was eighteen, too,” said the doctor. “Are you twins?”

　　“Oh, no, sir,” said John, and his face went red. “My brother is five months older than I am.”

　　第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。

　　可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查，这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。

　　“你多大了?”军医问。

　　“十八，长官。”约翰说。

　　“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”

　　约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”